With This Hand
by kamikumai
Summary: Sakura reflects on love and where it has led her. If I had to pick a time frame for this, I'd say somewhere during the time-jump...


**Dedication: **Most of these pieces which I'm posting now were in fact all written on the same day - in anticipation of the lovely okama-kama-no-tsukai's birthday. As such, I wish her, お誕生日おめでとう！- but reread and perfected as I so anally do at various later times... which is the cause for the lag between postings...

**Word from the Author:** Anyhow, what this means, is that you guys kinda benefit from me having gone on an insane writing rampage in celebration of okama-kama's b-day. And so, I present to you, 'Fandom No. 2 - Naruto.'

**Disclaimer:** Ok... Another disclaimer... another disclaimer... It's not mine. But if it were, Kakashi and Iruka would be official... //grins//.

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**With This Hand**

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死んででも守りたい愛がありますか。

Sometimes Sakura couldn't help but wonder if love was meant to be this painful. She wondered what had happened to the uplifting feelings of joy and euphoria that were turned into song, embellished in theatre, giggled about by younger girls who seemed by far more carefree than she could bring herself to feel.

Then again, she couldn't help but wonder whether it was just shinobi who were forced to walk hand in hand with death, destruction and pain who ended up feeling as though love was a double-edged sword. Even as it made you stronger, gave you the power to protect that which you cared for, it also left you vulnerable, open to be slowly, painfully carved into pieces by its sliver-thin blade.

Love was a deceptive thing. It's face too pure, too innocent for it to really be true. All love, Sakura thought, at some point had the potential to merge with darkness. It wasn't until she was older, more world-weary, that she began to understand how much it cost to love. It wasn't until she was older that she began to see the scars left by it on both her friends and teachers. And it wasn't just romantic love that brought such anguish. She noted the way her shishou's face tightened minutely, seeming to age substantially for a fraction of a second before it reverted to the tranquil calm that was its norm. She'd seen it happen, each and every time the Council denied her request for Naruto's entrance as a Hokage candidate. It was familial love, in that instance, that pushed Tsunade-sama to do all in her power to help Naruto succeed.

And a lot of the time, Sakura mused, it wasn't so much the love that hurt as it was the helplessness that forever seemed to try to overwhelm you when you were unable to help the dreams of the ones you love come true.

It was that same helplessness that had torn at her all those years ago, when Sasuke left. It was helplessness that had threatened to drown her when Naruto had returned, broken from the fight in which his best friend had almost killed him. He'd promised her, that he'd bring Sasuke back for her. But he shouldn't have had to. She should have been there herself. If her love was really that strong, she would have been there herself. She'd not known how to turn love into strength, and because of that she had been weak. But she had learnt.

She watched as those around her strived to do all in their power to change the world. She had watched as Naruto left, determined to get stronger.

It was then that she had discovered conviction. She knew that all Sasuke could think of was his vengeance, but at the same time she'd seen his capacity to love. It was strange to realize that the most despised boy of the village, loud and obnoxious but somehow inexplicably courageous, had managed to bring out the best of Sasuke. It was Naruto who had known how to extend his hand in such a way that it could not be ignored. Sakura had done nothing more than project her voice, which had been lost in the crackling static of an avenger's anger.

But she was changing. And while she still loved Sasuke, she was determined, too, not to let those emotions cloud her judgment. Not to let love make her weak, but instead to have it become the foundation of her strength.

She was _shinobi_, a proud and able _kunoichi_, and she would look beneath the beneath.

What she found there… It wasn't just romantic love, though that was a part of it. What resided beneath her surfaces was far more than that.

When she stripped it down to its barest bones, what she discovered within was her _nindou_.

She would gain the strength to protect her team, the two boys who were her world.

And worse comes to worse, she was prepared to die trying.

あるよ。

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Finis.

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**Another Word from the Author: **And there you have it... Second one down... ninety-eight to go...! But I'll get there!


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